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Questioning everything is the supposed holy grail of law school. Or any kind of school at that. Cynicism, criticism, multi-perspective-ism…you go through all kinds of “isms”. Professors are always encouraging us to argue about issues, raise our voices, and take nothing at face value. Phew! All that “university” jazz.

Sometimes, I get tired of it all though. A Burn out.

Is there ever a time when we’re not being subjected to opinions? Is it a race? I sit in class and wonder, is it such a crime to want to be a “passive listener” instead of the “active participator” once in a while? With all this information and expression overexposure, I fear, we’ve reached a point, where silence is inadvertently taken as a symbol of lack of intelligence. This all comes off as hypocritical, since I’m venting out my frustration here, on a public forum. I know. Somebody please sue me.

One of the psychologists that I encountered during the post earthquake phase told me it’s a symptom of survivor’s guilt. Anger, and feeling lost. Pointlessness. There are so many problems in the world, and you’re trying so hard to make a difference, and you’re so tired that you just want to ship yourself to an island somewhere, with a basket of cookies and a book. Maybe some wine wouldn’t be so bad either. An escape, a legitimate escape.

I really don’t know where all of this babbling is coming from. One minute I was writing about the epic debate we had at seminar class today, over the legalization of abortion. Then I logged into facebook, and there’s all kinds of posts on the legalization of gay marriages or the aid that’s coming in or not coming into Nepal. I check my assignments. Damn, I had to read about the pros and cons of euthanasia, and sex education and ethnicity based federalism and so forth. Talk about a headache. So what do I do? Google cute cat videos. Cute baby videos. Pictures of trees. And oranges.

Why am I writing this out? Or posting? Defeating my own arguments about over exposure to the randomest of the opinions? Maybe it’s to reassure myself that it’s ok to be tired once in a while. To admit that you’re only human. That the problems in the society terrify you, that it takes effort to put up a brave face and work to smoothen out the sharp edges of society. I know, that when I wake up tomorrow, I will want to revisit that abortion issues, and LGBTI rights, and need of sex education, and politics, and activism, and advocacy. But I also know, it’s equally important to not tire one out. To not get so caught up in world’s bigger pictures that you forget the exhilaration that comes from doing normal quirky stuff. Like saying stuff instead of things.

So until I get recharged, I want to look at cats and babble self absorbedly. If any of you folks feeling the same, cheers! Shared misery is half misery. Maybe we’ll watch “Into the Wild”, and celebrate how we feel like a rebel for not wanting to be rebels tonight. Just so that we can wake up tomorrow, and charge back into the action. Amen!

 

 

Categories: Other
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This is a question that lingers at the back of every girls mind. You see the perfect actresses in the movies and yearn to look like one. You see the supermodels with perfect body and face and you want to be like them.

Categories: Body Image
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We often hear girls being raped and most of the time it is implied that, it’s the girls who must have provoked men and she got exactly what she asked for. Of course nowadays, boys are victimized too, and it is not to be neglected. However, today I speak for the female victims. Why do men rape??? This has many a times been discussed and argued upon.

Categories: Sexual Violence
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As long as i breathe,
I am going to live every bit of it.
As long as i live,
i am going to sing,

“Trust life a Little bit! Trust life a little bit!”

I am born warrior,
i fight for what i love.
there’s nothing on givng up,
because our life is worth fighting for..!

whats on quiting?
if we can win by believing
just little bitmore…

whats on giving up?
if we can succed by
fighting just a little bit more!

Oh !my friend,don’t you ever quit!
before giving up, trust life a little bit…

Yeah! Just Trust life a little bit…

I am a warrior!

You are a warrior! we all are a born warrior!

Just believe in yourself
you ‘ll see inside you, a fighter!
A real fighter!!!

open up your mind, you are born to WIN!

A born WARRIOR!! A Real WARRIOR!!!

Categories: Living Positive
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There were times when I used to procrastinate with my plans..There were times when I used to keep my alarms on snoozes..There were times when I used to believe I have entire life ahead of me. I had enough understanding of how life should be lived in moment and how I should have never procrastinated .But you know, knowledge and realization are two different things .You can have knowledge that being angry is bad but again you may not realize how often you get angry ..Funny right? Perhaps the days were all normal and I had no idea what in few minutes from now I was going to experience something that the entire vision of mine towards life would change..

It was 25th April and the time was around 11:45 am. The day was quite gloomy but who cared about that as it was quite normal for me. I was busy listening the song from “ Zindagi ek safar hain suhana,yaha kal kya ho kisne jana” and was cleaning by room. I was lost somewhere in music as the volume was too high. Suddenly my mom scolded me for making the music loud. I got irritated and left room and came outside in the garden. I don’t know why but these days I get irritated a lot.I convinced myself that I needed to work out on this but I don’t do it. Like I said, When I am busy my mind brings on lot of creative ideas and when I am free I start getting bored. So though I had thought of working out on it I never really worked out on that issue. May be I had this confidence: I have enough time!

The clock stroke 11:56 and suddenly I felt like something huge came and crashed my building .My mom was on second floor and my dad was on terrace working on with some water tanks. He was complaining water issues from the morning. The building started to shake so fast and so dangerously that all the books that I had arranged started to fall down .I could see that from window of my room. I was just trying to hold myself when I heard my mom shouting and crying with fear. I remember how I felt. I felt like to run and hold my mom tight . I saw my dad scared at the top of the house. He was scared and was holding the bars .The building started to shake so fast and I was never that helpless. I was on the ground trying to balance myself but at the mean time I was looking at my parents fighting with the threat of death holding the bars of the railing. I wished god only if God would save my parents from this moment I would love them much more. I felt like to rush inside and be a superwoman to  be my parent’s savior . Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind! Those parents whom I thought were irritating were actually my love. I always knew life is uncertain but I never knew that there was this fine threat between life and death. I never knew that all my beliefs, superiority and ego would all settle down in a minute of threat and only thing that would come in my mind was savior of self and savior of other. I wished and slowly the house stopped to shake. My parents came down rushing .I Felt like to hug them but I couldn’t .I wondered, how have I been brought up in Nepal? I do not hesitate a second to fight and do get irritated but I had no guts to look at my parents and say-I cared you when you are struggling there! My felt sorry for myself .But that quake which moved the nation, moved my innate too..

I Got moved along with the quake, actually realized life is too precious to time pass. What I have been living with complains and frustration and anger and jealousy is actually a gift I have been given to cherish and enjoy. It is a gift which I can lose any time without a second time to regret. The moment I have today might be the last one. The beauty of life got more precise and vivid .What I have with me started to appear so precious and what I never had didn’t matter much .I was with my family and I felt contented. The years of so many desires and wishes got lost somewhere and I was standing with a single hope of save for humanity .Everyone was united and I realized that every time till today what I was running for were my insanity .I have life and that is the most precious gift I have. That day when several people who had dreamt of flying high in physical world got their soul flown before their dreams could come true, my consciousness settled. I was in search of love when this quake showed my love right in my house. I was in search of togetherness when this quake showed my family right in my house.

Perhaps this quake wanted to ask us to wake up –Wake up from all the guilt and jealousy and unwanted pride. May be the quake wanted to settle all out past and move on with the new future .May be quake wants us to know that whatever you have is just a uncertain property and you could lose it anytime…May be quake made us realize that there is fine thread between life and death and those who respected life, lived life totally and happily .May be ,this is what we should learn-There are no winners and losers ! There are just beautiful souls confused with life …

Categories: Living Positive
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The word “refugee” has meant different things to me, at different points in my life.

Credit to the few  months of refugee law classes, I can now quote the definition of the term, from memory. A mosaic of images, and words…the Cartagena Declaration, Israel-Palestine, Syria, Lhotshampas, Rawanda, UNHCR…flash across my mind, in a blur. I smile to myself; at the heaps of information, facts, data, and definitions that I now know; happy at how my comprehension of refugees has garnered that “professional-academic” touch.  “Refugees…people with a well-founded fear of persecution, because of his/her race, religion, nationality, membership in a particular social group, or political opinion,” I recite to myself. I sound like such a law student. It makes me feel proud at times, and then, at times, so very, very disappointed.  Nostalgic. And Doubtful.

Choosing to study refugee law wasn’t an academic or career-oriented choice, it was a personal one. I am not a refugee. I do not have all the facts about the various burning issues of refugees, straightened out. Yet, the impact that refugees have had in shaping my personality and values is monumental.

Up until five months ago, the term refugee produced a very different mental picture for me. Rebecca, Anne Frank, Ezra, Sundara, Amir, Henry Sir, Susan… all heroes, some in fiction, some world renown, and some unsung.

Rebecca is a refugee. I came to know her through a chapter on my value education book, in the 5th grade. My teacher had recited a poem written by her, entitled “Always Have a Dream”. She’d then explained about what refugees were, the hardships they were forced to endure, how we should learn from their strengths, and why we should count our blessings. I don’t remember which country she had taken refuge on, or which country she had been persecuted from. I don’t remember her picture imprinted across my value education book, nor do I remember the facts. But I’ll never forget how she made me feel. I went home and copied her poem onto my journal, and I have it safe with me till today. Her story was my first ever taste of exposure to the atrocities prevalent in the world, to wars, statelessness, and homelessness. I keep wondering how an eleven year old girl, rendered an orphan and refugee at such a tender age, could write such a positive piece? Where did that resilience come from?

Rebecca’s story peaked my interest in refugees and wars. Given my penchant for novels, I chose to explore those unchartered territories through novels, rather than newspapers. I learned about the Jewish refugees and the Holocaust through the Diary of Anne Frank. The plight of those internally displaced, due to the atomic bombings in Nagasaaki and Hiroshima, is the story I lived through Ezra in “Phoenix Rising”. I met the Khmer Rouge, lived the wars in Vietnam and Cambodia, and became a refugee in America through Sundara’s eyes in “Children of the River”. The Afghan war and refugees were introduced to me by Amir in “The Kite Runner”, and Liela in “A Thousand Splendid Suns”.

Then came the transition years in school, when we had refugees as classmates and teachers. Most of the books I’d read, painted refugees as these people bound to catch your attention, and that too, for all the wrong reasons. Be it the look of fear and helplessness in their eyes, or the cultural shock evident in their faces, their shabby clothes, their foreign accent or their malnourished bodies. It was an altogether different experience to find oneself in the company of refugees who’ve refused to let their legal status define their persona. I never knew Susan and Henry Sir were Bhutanese refugees, until they left school for resettlement in the U.S.A. Because I identified refugees as victims of persecution, I always expected them to act as victims. I now realize how much of a childish and demoralizing view that was. There will always be people in the world who’ve been subjected through atrocities, be it refugees, or be it any other vulnerable party. And it is our duty to assist them. However, there’s a very fine line between sympathy and empathy, and not all people who’ve been victimized will want, or be appreciative of both. Learning to respect the dignity of people who’ve had their rights and lives violated, is another important lesson I learnt through refugees.

I’ve always had the habit of orienting myself to reality through fiction. That’s the path I chose with regard to refuges. Maybe that direction then, is the source of my discomfort now. It’s such an inexplicably strange feeling to sit in class and discuss refugees with legal objectivity, when I’ve shared such an emotional attachment with all these people. I say people. And not fictional characters. Because, a book lover like me, tends to grow as much with people in books, as with people outside them. It’s quite a transition for me, to learn to visualize refugees as a collective term, a concept, rather than as Rebecca or Anne or Sundara.

What scares me is if there’ll come a day in time, when I’ll start viewing refugees as just one of the plethora of issues challenging the world. Like surgeons who become so attuned to surgery that they start seeing people as mere bodies. Like laureates who spend hours trying to find hidden rhetoric, metaphors and similes in even the simplest and most unadultered forms of expressions. However, like all “what ifs”, that question is the kind, whose answer I’ll have to wait to find out.

 

 

Categories: Other
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Recently America has taken a very good step due to which the news were the top news around the globe. Legalization of same sex marriage was one of the matured and good move taken by america setting an example of the world with freedom. None of the individual in this earth are born with the common likes, dislikes, perception. Everybody is unique in their own way. Each one of our likes, dislikes, need, greed, love, care are different. We are not born to be other person what the society has in trend but to be the person who we really are.

A guy can be in love with another guy; a girl can love another girl because feelings are not what we study, practice and score but feelings are independent of anything. It’s just that people wants to see what they always have been seeing. People are afraid of new things; that’s how human psychology works. But that doesn’t mean one should literally go against the love between a man or woman. One can be the person who he/she doesn’t want to be for a day,month or even a year; but he/she cannot get apart from their identity. One should always choose to be what they want to be. Society in our world are slowing growing towards the open mind. Till 1950’s people had very conservative thoughts. But the approach of America is worth saluting for; if this legalization had been in late 1950’s around world; many people would not have lost their lives. A great mind “Alan Turing” was emotionally forced to die after the world knew he was gay(far better than those hypocrite).

A human being should not live suppressing their freedom; everybody deserves to live free. No one are born to be hated. Everyone has their own unique identity and other should accept it because if a person has not courage to accept the facts; they don’t even deserve to judge other.

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The world has always been the social place for all human being. From the origin till now; it has not changed it’s phase neither for men nor women. The discrimination of men and women had only been set by the society we live in. Few of the people in the society have rooted their thoughts on the discrimination of women so deep. But facing every difficulties and struggling; women has always proved themselves at their best.

The world is never perfect; as we all know that. Likewise; Nepal also has hypocrite who has dominative thoughts on women. Most of the people within the city also did had that sort of thoughts until the empowerment of women after the disaster in April 25 take place in Nepal. When Nepal faced the disastrous earthquake in April 25, 2015; every youth, adult as well as old people worked together to reconstruct Nepal. Regardless of gender, age group; everyone did their best to help themselves and others. Women from different ages helped in their own method. Many girls were even seen clearing the rubble in the earthquake devastated area. Many were taking food supplies and other resources; cooking foods for the victim. One of the most inspiring thing was: One old lady leaving far from capital at the age of 50’s made more than 1000 of cotton mask within few days and supplied to capital “Kathmandu” to send it to affected area to prevent from epidemic. A group of young girls at their teen age were found cooking food daily for the earthquake victim at Bhaktapur. The determination of helping others from young girls and adult women were really inspiring for other women within the country and was the strong slap on the face of hypocrite who discriminates women.

The earthquake brought lots of helping hands together regardless of any discrimination. The strong bond were set between the youths and adults. Everyone was inspired by the empowerment of women. I hope the women would be more empowered in future even after post quake and forever. So that world can see the better Nepal build from the hands with no any discrimination.

Categories: Other
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(Based on the true story after Earthquake. One of my friend who worked for the disaster relief from one month’s reported this all. They were six in numbers and were a remote area. It was the experience of working in some rural village in the eastern part of Nepal))

 

It had been fifteen days I had not talked to my mom since I had been there.

My phone got charged after so many days after walking nearly about 5 hours. The area was too remote. And I had to buy a recharge still 2 km far from the residence I stayed.

I decided to go alone. Since all of my friends were busy washing the clothes and bathing.

I was satisfied from inside that I was working for the disaster victims.

(After I covered nearly one kilometer)

”Hey, leave me.”

A trembling and frightening sound hit my ear. Breaking my solitude and my thoughts.

Thinking it was my subconscious mind, I moved forward towards my destination.

Again a sound of pain and yelling broke out.

Oh! My god. Is there something really serious? I turned back and went towards the place where the sound was coming.

I was in fear. I was imagining the worst of worst’s in my mind. And I was running towards the area with thousands of thoughts in my mind.

“Maybe it’s a rape.”

“It should not be.”

“If it is?” Then?

When I reached there, I nearly got faint. My heart stopped for a minute may be, and tears roll down the eyes.

I could not decide what should I do know?

I saw something that I should not have seen.

My mind didn’t work out.

I felt like I should die here it, the situation of women is still pretty serious.

I wanted to spit all the inhuman peoples.

It was a broken house and a pregnant woman with two girl children.

When I saw their situation I could say everything clearly. Some inhuman peoples raped her five years child and when she stopped them for their act they raped her too. She was bleeding and no house and no peoples were around there. When I touched their hands, I felt they were dead.

I was frightened even more, since I cannot see the dead body. I tried run out to call my friends some 1 km far crying.

But my legs stand still.

With lot of efforts I reached up to my friends till evening.

I insisted them to leave the place the same night and they were shocked.

After I told them the whole story they even panicked. We all went there the next day with some peoples and police.

According to peoples there she was the one who used to fill her stomach with daily labor in others houses. And her husband died on the earthquake.

Shit peoples. I could not control myself I returned back the same day. I still have not recovered from the trauma.

But the day has made me determined to work for the women of rural areas.  I want the teenagers like me to join me. We can do something for such violence. Never forget this could have happened to us.

 

Categories: Sexual Violence
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I sweep the home for it would be easy to work.

I help her to wash clothes so she would get rest.

Still she pressurizes me every day for not cooking.

I may not,

I may not cook since her love is the thing that makes the food tastes good.

I divide a hand in doing the other kitchen chores.

Why don’t she realize and expects more and more.

She has learnt a bad part of the gender issues in the society

She wants me to be her slave instead of being equal.

If so she or the many women like her would keep each and every relation in edge?

Otherwise every family of the society would?

We are the better half of each other

Then why not she sees I too suffer

 

I wish she could realize there is a division of work.

While she works inside,

I work to fulfill her demands.

I have not forced her to limit within the doors of the house.

The small family of ours

Me and her.

Not a big deal to work for

I wish she could understand I too had hectic day in office

I too can be tired

After all it’s a human body

Just like she has one.

She has a group of women leaders today behind her,

If I touched her unknowingly and she felt harassed.

 

I want to ask her some questions

Where is the issue of a man like me today?

Don’t I feel exhausted?

Don’t I feel harassed when a girl touches?

Remember my wife I am also the human like you

I also feel everything that you feel

Just I do not express and you keep on blaming me?

I wish you could see the tiny aspects of life where

I compromised to live the life with total happiness for you

I know I do all but never you never get satisfied with my instincts

I want to feel both of us equal.

I feel we should be two sides of a coin

If not two wheels of a cart

If not two eyes

I love you but you love me to be your slave.

I wish you had understood,

Gender equality depicts us both s to be equal.

Not the one to be superior.

Really , you misunderstood “gender Equality”

 

 

Categories: Other