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I’m not really sure how I feel about People Magazine’s new issue featuring Jennifer Lopez on the cover as the “most beautiful woman in the world”. What exactly is it that makes her so beautiful? Surely this is an exaggeration since everyone she was pitted against is a celebrity just like her. What about us common folk? I demand a rewrite. She’s beautiful definitely, but I don’t know about being #1. Call her the ‘most beautiful female celebrity in the world’ or something. Women have enough trouble living up to society’s idea of what we should look like without comparing ourselves to celebrities who have a better quality of life than we the great unwashed.

I really don’t care if she had no makeup on, or drugstore brands, or the most expensive foundation money can buy. It’s still ridiculous. I have never really thought about this before, probably because I never read any magazines except for Marie Claire, OUT, and the occasional issue of Cosmo. This is not the first time a list like this has been compiled. ’50 Sexiest Men’, ‘The World’s Most Beautiful People’. What the hell is all this crap? Who died and made these magazines the governing authority on beauty and sensuality? I guess they’re taking a leaf out of Jon Kyl’s book on professional know-it-all-ness. This kind of if-we-say-it-then-it-must-be-true-because-we-are-the-media, self-professed expertise, is the kind that makes me want to go around tasing people. Ok not tase. That’s a little too much. This makes me want to go around smacking people over the head. If there’s going to be a list, it should at least be like Time Magazine’s ‘100 Most Influential People’ or OUT magazine’s ‘Model Citizen’.
The other ‘lucky & privileged’ people(in case you didn’t catch it, that was sarcasm there) include Zac Efron (of course!), Reese Witherspoon, Jenifer Hudson, Kellan Lutz and Ryan Reynolds (ok I admit he’s hot and I crushed majorly back in the ‘2 guys & a pizza place’ days) amongst others. I don’t have a problem with the celebs at all. They’re cute and talented and all. Go them! Yes! Bravo! *Clappity clappity clap clap*. None of them is going to call up the magazine like “Take me off the list of the most beautiful people. I don’t deserve to be on it.”

So now that this list is out, what happens to everyone else? Are there celebrities somewhere crying in their walk-in closets, buried under all the designer clothes and shoes they flung about during their tantrum? “Why didn’t People magazine pick me? Does that mean I’m not beautiful anymore?” Is Alek Wek still beautiful? Jenny Shimizu? This is the message I get from this silly list: Only rich, famous people are beautiful and so everyone else can suck it. I totally want to sic Beth Ditto on them but since I don’t know exactly how to, I’ll settle for a letter to the editor and a mental rant every time someone brings it up.

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