Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, irrespective of their sexual orientation or their gender. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, and sexual.
- Physical abuse is often the easiest to recognize. If your partner hits you with their own limbs or other objects, habitually, I would consider this physical abuse. You never have a reason to hit someone that you “love.” Do not ever think it was your fault if they hit you.
- Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Forcing you to do sexual acts or hurting you while engaged in sexual acts is abuse. Demanding sexual acts is also abuse. Remember, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, request to stop. If your partner is unresponsive, this could be a sign of abuse. Consent given or not, sexual abuse can happen.
- Emotional abuse can be more subtle, but not always. Name calling, even joking, can have long lasting effects on someone’s personality. No one likes to be humiliated.
- Intimidation can either be physical or emotional abuse, or both. Intimidation can be manifested in threats, gestures, and actions that stimulate fear in a person. You should not be afraid of the person you are involved with.
- Financial abuse is controlling the finances and tracking what money is spent, only allowing the other person to spend a fixed amount of money.
Domestic violence is not always easy to see, especially if you are the victim. A warning sign might be if you notice that you are becoming more and more isolated from your family and friends and that your partner is becoming more and more possessive. Try bringing up needing to see your family, if your partner over reacts, you might want to evaluate your relationship.
Here are some Gay Domestic Abuse Myths and Facts
1) Myth: Abuse that occurs in same sex couples is mutual.
Fact: It may appear to be mutual, but it is not. The abuser controls and dominates over the other partner whom may try to defend themselves.
2) Myth: Same sex couples like the sexual violence, and it is part of their sexual relationship with each other.
Fact: Domestic violence is not sexual behavior. In S&M relationships there is a mutual agreement between consenting adults and there are usually safe words and limits.
The key thing to remember is that there is help out. If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, please seek help. Talk to a friend or a family member. Domestic abuse is something that should never occur; it is never too late to take back control of your life.
If you have a friend whom you think is being abused, talk to them about it. It may help them to help themselves.
Here are some websites that deal with Domestic Abuse:
GMDVP Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
AVP The Anti-Violence Project
Another Closet Personal stories of domestic violence in same sex relationships
NCADV National Coalition Against Domestic Violence